Pt. 2/4: Dub Reggae, Homosexual Elephants, Posh Nosh and Levitating Teeth - The Top 5 Things We Did

1. Riding an elephant bareback for half an hour before joining in with its bath time

Okay, so this is about as touristy an activity you could ever hope for, but I don’t care – I rode an actual elephant, dammit (albeit a rather elderly female one that kept randomly wandering off into roadside bushes in search of a snack) and found out what pressurized water shot out of an elephant’s trunk and hitting you in the face actually feels like. My thighs may have ached for days afterwards, thanks to the dress of the elephant keepers I may now have posed in one of the least PC pictures I could possibly imagine (see above) and a change of clothes may have been required before our driver let us all back in the car afterwards but it was cool…

2. Bentota Beach and the Wunderbar Hotel

For several days prior to Sophie’s arrival, Mark and myself had an extremely relaxing time hanging around the beach front at Bentota. Of the numerous hotels there, we appeared to have found the best in the form of Hotel Wunderbar, one of many Germanic-sounding ones thus named so as to attract Sri Lanka’s many Teutonic tourists. Indeed, there plenty of German guests there at the same time as us, giving me ample opportunity to road-test my shaky German, but what made this place and the time we spent there so great was the extremely large and cheap room Mark and I shared, the brilliant wide verandah running the length of the floor outside, the laidback restaurant with Bob Marley posters everywhere and Dub Reggae frequently on the sound system and the excellent beach, less than six minutes walk away with enough sun loungers to keep even the Germans happy and enough mangrove shade to prevent my skin from catching fire.

Throw in regular bongo parties on the beach, a none-more-laid back vibe and close proximity to town and you’ve got yourself a winner. We tried to stay there again for our last few days, but the owners inexplicably jacked the price up to ludicrous levels just around the time our rupee supplies were running low – still, no one’s perfect.

3. An early morning jeep safari

Worth getting up at the crack of dawn after a very busy day for, this involved us clambering into a battered old jeep for a ride around some very picturesque jungle plains where we got to see lots of elephants (including a gay male couple, according to our driver/guide Sam – not sure if he was telling the truth but they did both look rather camp to me) and a large number of birds. Latter included visual evidence that peacocks can actually fly, and very impressively too. With the jeep’s canvas roof rolled back, and all of us standing and leaning out at various points, the wind rushing past our heads while the jeep’s four wheel drive battled potholes and ditches, it was certainly a bracing start to the day.

4. Witnessing the tea-making techniques and extraordinary scenery of Nuwara Elija

Nuwara Elija is located in central Sri Lanka, way above sea level, it’s where most of the country’s tea produce comes from (19% of all the tea produced globally, fact fans) and the place where ghosts of the country’s colonial linger on more clearly than elsewhere. Lots of posh hotels, restaurants, country clubs and even a golf course or two here – we satisfied ourselves with a medium-level hotel, a slap up feed of top nosh at a boss posh eatery by the name of ‘St Andrews’ and a tour around one of the region’s many tea factories. Much cooler climate-wise than elsewhere too, owing to the elevation – almost like being in the Scottish highlands during summer, oddly enough.

5. Kandy and the Tooth Temple

It is said that those fond of confectionary or ‘candy’ are in possession of a sweet tooth – well, Kandy the city is in possession of arguably the sweetest tooth of all, namely an upper canine (possibly) taken from the cremated ashes of the Buddha himself. All of which agonizing punnery is a roundabout way of saying that Kandy’s Tooth Temple is quite a special place, even more so when the temple’s monks throw open the doors to its inner sanctum and allow the general public to gawp at the receptacle containing the legendary artifact, if not the tooth itself. Said container is pretty bling to say the least, though a bit difficult to see properly what with its decorative jewels reflecting all of the low-level light and the monks hurrying you and the massed crowds past the small hatch you have to view it through.

Apparently, the last time anyone opened the container it was to take a hammer to the tooth and destroy it for all time, whereupon the tooth rose into the air, hovered for a bit and glowed like the sun. Cue would-be vandal hastily converting to Buddhism and spreading the word. I’m going to make sure that I’ve got my Black & Decker on me next time I go, because that has got to be worth the entrance fee…